I leaned closer to Patrick, sitting beside me, wondering if he would fall asleep alone. Resting my head on his shoulder, I said.
“I was wondering, where did Patrick go during the day?”
“I’m sorry I made you go to the dress shop.”
“I’ll never forget… I went off on a tangent, didn’t I?”
“…During the day? I just came to visit Ashburton’s estate in the capital.”
I doubt it. He can find out what I’m hiding, but the opposite is also valid. He’s hiding something.
There’s only one reason why a man would conceal where he’s going. Going to a mixer, gambling, hobbies he supposedly promised to stop, secret meetings with affair partners, and so on. It was one of them!
Which one? A woman? Ah, is it too early to assume that the cheating partner is a woman?
“Is the cheating partner a man? Or a woman?”
“…Alright, I’ll tell you.”
Sniffing his nose and probing for any evidence, he seemed ready to come clean.
It wasn’t about the cheating partner’s gender, but probably about where he had gone before leaving me at the dress shop. Given that he arrived at the estate before I did and greeted me, I don’t think he had gone that far.
When I shifted my body back to look at him, he seemed more reluctant to say than I had anticipated.
“What? Where have you really been?”
I’ve been in this estate all day.”
He was still hesitating to say it.
There shouldn’t be any reason for him to be reluctant to say anything about the Dolknes estate in the capital. Both Eleanora and I were in the dressmaker’s store, so unless he brought someone in, no one but the servants would be… Ah, I see. Then I realised something.
This estate has residents. My parents have been living in this house.
Suddenly, I’m consumed by melancholy, even though I was in a good mood about the equipment just a moment ago.
“Oh. You met them. What did you talk about?”
“Something… about the wedding.”
“That wasn’t much of a conversation, was it?”
“Uh-huh.”
Even without exchanging words, I could imagine what kind of interactions took place between them.
My parents, father and mother, were typical no-good nobles. They thought of their fiefdoms and their people as nothing more than machines to generate money for themselves, and all they cared about was expanding their power here in the capital.
The Dolknes family has no central office and has never hidden its ambition to one day rise to power in partnership with extremist nobles.
And the daughter they had planned to use as a tool in a political marriage had sinister black hair and black eyes. They sent me to the territory to hide, and somehow, I managed to take the title forcibly; they’re stuck at home with disappointment… that’s the situation right now.
I’ve been having a conversation with them since I took the title off their hands, but I’m unable to engage with them. They are the kind of people who believe that it is the greatest humiliation to devote yourself to managing their territory, and the only happiness… is to rise in the center. Despite speaking the same language, it is still difficult for us to understand each other’s intentions.
My spirits dropped. But more than that, Patrick seemed disheartened. I slumped toward him again.
“No one can do it. Don’t worry so much.”
“I heard about it, but I didn’t expect… that…”
“You didn’t think it was that bad?”
He was being noncommittal about it. He neither confirmed nor denied it, but he was trying to convey a similar message.
“I understand what’s going on with Yumiela. You have a family in the previous world. Still, when I think of the terrible things they said to Yumiela when she was a baby…”
“I don’t think we lived together that long. When I was less than a week old, my nanny took me to the Dolknes territory. The nanny left before I was one year old, too. My memory is a bit fuzzy.”
The memory of my previous life returned to me at the age of five, and from that point on, I spent my days striving to raise my level. The fact that I learned the language at the age of five is a miracle despite being treated with disdain and speaking too little.
Being a count’s daughter living in the capital, I wouldn’t have been able to go to the dungeon as I wanted to. As a result, it was okay, but Patrick seemed different. He looked sad and angry.
“It’s their child! I can’t forgive a parent for treating their child that way.”
“You’re right. But when the dark-haired kid showed up, they had reached their limit.”
“I understand why. But Yumiela is too objective about her own situation.”
At the age of five, my mental age was that of an adult, so it was difficult for me to be conscious of being a party involved. Somehow, I feel that more than my parents, I don’t have the same perception of parent and child.
In other words, neither of us understands Patrick’s anger. While I know that abandonment, in general, isn’t good, I don’t think about it in my heart because I don’t feel like the victim.
“If another child were in a situation like mine, I would feel sorry for them. But my situation is my situation. Please don’t get too upset.”
“…Right. No matter how angry I get, it can’t be helped.”
The first step is to ensure you have a clear understanding of what you’re doing.
He wiggled his fingers as if searching for a place for his muddled emotions to go.
“In Japan, I had a normal family. I had a proper father and mother and grew up with my parents’ love.”
I had parents, a sister, and friends. I also had a lover on the screen.
Although I didn’t feel it at the time, now that I think about it, I grew up surrounded by an ideal family. There was no poor child like #2, who had been alone since birth.
I don’t want to be in a situation where Patrick is constantly concerned about something I don’t care about. When I turned my head to the side, Patrick was looking at me, too. Our eyes meet.
“Family.”
“So, in a previous life, I had a family.”
“In this world? Isn’t it hard now that you can’t see them since you have family members you care about in a world you can’t return to?”
If you ask me if it’s hard, I think it’s hard…. But I’m the one who died, right? I don’t think I’m feeling sad or anything like that.
After my death, I think my family was saddened. Oh, what did they do with my remains?
The smartphone is not a device for taking selfies; it was invented for playing social games. Game arcades aren’t facilities for taking Purikura pictures while making strange noises; they are places to make strange noises after losing at a robot fighting game. The only pictures they can use are high school graduation albums, right? Hahaha… haha….
I tried to treat it as a funny story, but it was not funny. Not one single thing is amusing.
“When we first met Yumiela at the school, she was the same way. She looked fine alone, and even Yumiela thought she could stand the solitude.”
“… That’s true. Now I can’t imagine leaving the country and living alone.”
“I don’t think it’s good to pretend to be something you’re not. It’s better to be who you really are.”
“Mhm.”
“Yumiela didn’t care, so I didn’t notice the obvious either. Talking about family here, it only just now occurred to me that you have family in your former world as well. Being separated from those closest to you is….”
Patrick didn’t say beyond that.
The fact that someone else had verbalized it and that I had accepted it lightly, saying, “It can’t be helped,” weighed heavily on me.
While relieved that I can still remember my family’s faces so well, I still feel sad and lonely.
“Although I try not to think about it, it’s still sad.”
“I didn’t mean to remind you of the pain you’re going through.”
“It’s okay, I know. Even if I unconsciously push it to the corner of my mind, it doesn’t make the sadness disappear. I might forget it someday if I don’t think about it too much.”
He looked sadder than I did.
Normally, I would have thought something like, “Why are you more gloomy than the person concerned, and why is it a good idea to be too empathetic?” But right now, I was grateful for Patrick, who was grieving.
Having someone who grieves for my situation as if it were their own is a relief.
It is hard to say goodbye to my family. But even if I could return to Japan, I want to stay in this world. I chose him. I want to be by Patrick’s side forever.
I smile cheekily at him sitting next to me and show him it’s not all bad.
“I’m glad I came to this world. I might not have had the best parents, but I did have a good family. Hmm? I’m not married yet, so I don’t have a family? It depends on your definition of what constitutes a family.
“We’re family now. Whatever the definition is, I consider us family.”
“Me too. Patrick is family.”
The definition of family was such a misguided concern. Family made it seem like no matter how sad I was, I could get through it with Patrick. As I thought about how grateful I was for him again, he said something as disorienting as I had just told him.
“Good. I’m the first Yumiela family you ever made in this world.”
“No, my first family I had was Ryuu.”
Oh, my beloved son, Ryu, the dragon, helped me too. Parents are more helped by their children than children are helped by their parents.
I’m going to cry a little because of the mixture of thoughts about my family, Patrick, Ryuu, and others in my previous life. As I am embarrassed to be seen crying, Patrick’s eyes glisten in the moonlight. He, too, was teary-eyed.
“…Mhm, I know. Good thing Ryuu was there.”
“Yeah.”
It’s such a blessing to have someone to share both joys and sorrows with. My tears subsided as I felt the warmth of happiness.
Although my heart was tilted in a negative direction, the rest would be fine once I turned it into a positive one. The thought of new equipment I will make tomorrow even came to my mind. I am really happy.
“Well, we have an early day tomorrow, so I’m going to bed. Sorry for barging in at night.”
“I’m glad Ryuu was there.”
“Huh? Yeah.”
Not knowing what Patrick meant by repeating twice about Ryuu, I quickly got up.
But the phrase “first family” may also be a bit odd. Family is not something that can be ranked; it is something that is valued. I left his room, thinking I would mention it later when I had a chance.
More heavy than expected, but glad to see them talking about it.
Thx for the chapter!